Lessons Learned During Summer Vacation

Somewhere between swim lessons, and camps, and family trips, my kids started growing up, and I ended up relearning a summer-long lesson about the concept of "challenge versus support."

This was our mantra during my grad school years. For those in the college student affairs profession, it means meaning providing college students with programs and services which challenge our students to rise to the occasion, but not push them so far as to make them regress developmentally.

While it has been some time since I've been in the student affairs arena, the concept of "challenge versus support" sneaks its way into many aspects of my life. This summer, trial and error parenting efforts with my kids has taught me I should just stick with that old reliable mantra.

The Dreaded Diving Board

To pass her swim lessons level, my six-year-old daughter had to jump off the diving board. She was scared to death, locking her arms and legs around the railing so her instructors couldn't throw her into the pool. And man, they tried!

As she cried at the pool's edge, I paced, watching her from about 50 meters away. "Do I rescue her? Do I comfort her? Do I say it's okay?" As a parent, it's SO HARD finding a balance between pushing her to learn new things, and being there for her when she's just not ready.

My daughter did not pass the swim test this summer, which really ticked her off. After class was dismissed, she went straight to the diving board and jumped off twenty times in a row.

"Why?" you and I ask. Challenge versus support. In the swim lessons environment, she was being pushed too hard, and therefore dug in her heels. It wasn't until the pressure was gone that she decided to give the diving board a try. It was okay to fail, and then she succeeded.

Summer Chores

We have a summer chores chart, which is pretty and colorful because I turn everything into an art project. At the beginning of the summer, we (I, plus kids) decided what chores were appropriate for each family member. My youngest, our dear three-year-old, was included on the chore chart for the first time.

Every day, she excelled at setting out forks on the table, taking her plate to the sink, and  bringing me the dog's water bowl for a refill. However, the task of cleaning up one's bedroom was the downfall of the chore chart and my little one.

After several battles over the toys on her floor, I remembered, "challenge versus support." The forks, the plate, and the dog bowl were all one step duties.  The toys that covered her bedroom floor were too overwhelming for her, for for me  sometimes as well. Making the challenge appropriate for her developmental level made the task something she could accomplish.

While it's not my favorite job to sit in her room and tell her step by step, "Now, find all the My Little Ponys and put them in the green bin", and "Let's put Elmo and Cookie on the shelf with their friends," she's able to follow my directions, and clean her room successfully. She's proud of her accomplishment, earning a sticker for her chart, and I'm proud of my little girl, who resembles a baby less and less each day.

The summer's end is bittersweet for me because 1) we haven't had all the fun we've wanted to and we're running out of summer days, and 2) watching the kids learn new things and overcome hurdles has been amazing. The passing of another summer just means they're growing up...and I'm not quite ready for that.