Moms In the County: Life is Short

Found out recently that a man we were friends with about 10 years ago had suddenly died. We, meaning my husband and I, stopped associating with this man for a variety of reasons, which out of respect for him will remain left unsaid. Now he is gone. All of those reasons are gone. All of the discussions about those reasons are gone. Most important, my desire to judge, is gone. Yes, your read correct. My desire. I no longer need to think about him, briefly, on rare occasion, and judge him, all over again. He will not come up in conversation, again, with the same judgmental flavor of the past.

He was 41. Now he is dead. I wonder, what benefit did I get in my life from judging him? From deciding that he didn’t fit my qualifications as a good enough person, to "see ya, we don’t need to be friends." How did it better my life to judge his? Now, let’s be real, it’s not as if I had to visit him on holidays, or invite him to dinner, or anything for that matter. But did I have to decide to judge him, then do so? That’s my point. I wonder how it bettered my life to decide that his presence, his place here on Earth, was not as valuable as mine. We do not all need to be friends, but would it benefit us to just decide that everyone is ok in their own right, and to reserve judgment for the murderers and pedophiles? You see, with the murderers and pedophiles, it is not that I am making a decision not to be friends with them, I am just flat out afraid of them. Like poisonous copperhead snakes, or Brown Recluse spiders, I choose to stay away from those that can bite, poison, hurt, and potentially kill me. It’s the other people I judge, that I make decisions about, whose personalities are relatively benign, yet I still take the time to form my own class system, and decide who is in and who is out. So, would I benefit from NOT doing this, and if so, how?

Well, I think I will tackle this from various perspectives: time, stress, and physical and mental health.

It takes time to be judgmental. Time to decide something about someone, based on whatever data you have (or, frankly, think you have) collected. Typically, it is easier, and less time consuming, to decide something that is negative about someone. To judge something positively, it takes more time, and is less gratifying. Really? What do I mean? More people get some sort of satisfaction out of being negative – it is easier to talk, or gossip about, and gain more spins and momentum as it is discussed. To be positive, and to not judge takes less time. It is not as glamorous, and frankly has less attraction.

Judging people is stressful. It is stressful to be negative, even if it is easier. What is stress? Stress can be defined as “…any event in which environmental demands, internal demands, or both tax or exceed the adaptive resources of an individual, social system, or tissue system. In many different societies, stress is a common term that is often associated with negative situations and settings.”1-2. What will stress do? Quick list – it lowers your immunity (making you susceptible to illness), and can raise cortisol levels, to name a couple. “When the stress is prolonged…the individual becomes more distressed… This activates the hypothalamus in the brain. What follows is a cascade of hormonal pathways resulting in the final release of cortisol from the adrenal cortex (of the kidney).”3 Cortisol level balance is important for many reasons – but let’s get to a few simple ones. “It is a steroid hormone…fasting, food intake, exercising, awakening, and psychosocial stressors cause the body to release cortisol”. 4,5,6 Cortisol can lead to overeating, craving high-caloric fatty and sugary foods, and relocating fat from the circulation and storage depots to the deep internal abdominal area. However, if there is too much cortisol in circulation, abdominal obesity can develop. This in turn can be linked to cardiovascular disease, type II diabetes mellitus, and stroke (or cerebral vascular attack - CVA). Can judging people lead to all of this? Not necessarily alone, but add it to your other daily stressors: kids, finances, work, illness, etc. etc., and yes, it can be a contributing factor. Worth it? I think not. So it can lead to physical health problems, which in turn can lead to mental health problems – such as anxiety and depression. That is just the tip of the iceberg of issues that result from judging others.

So just something to think about. Is it worth it,  judging others? Is it worth the negative ramifications that can result? Are we really ones to judge? Whether you believe in a Higher Power or not, in the end we are all people. People with blood, plasma, bones, tissue, ligaments, organs- we are organic. We are all biodegradable. No matter how we have lived our lives, treated others, have been treated, etc, we will all be part of the Earth again someday. Life is short. You only have one chance with this gig – how do you want to play it? With more or perhaps less, say, cortisol?? You be the judge.

xoxo - Kati

a Mom in the County

1, 2. http://www.unm.edu/~lkravitz/Article%20folder/stresscortisol.html

3 Ely, D.L. Organization of cardiovascular and neurohumoral responses to stress: implications for health and disease. Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences (Reprinted from Stress) 771:594-608, 1995.

4 McEwen, B.S. The brain as a target of endocrine hormones. In Neuroendocrinology. Krieger and Hughs, Eds.: 33-42. Sinauer Association, Inc., Massachusetts, 1980.

5 Vicennati, V., L. Ceroni, L. Gagliardi, et al. Response of the hypothalamic- pituitary-adrenocortical axis to high-protein/fat and high carbohydrate meals in women with different obesity phenotypes. The Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism 87(8) 3984-3988, 2002.

6 Wallerius, S., R. Rosmond, T. Ljung, et al. Rise in morning saliva cortisol is associated with abdominal obesity in men: a preliminary report. Journal of Endocrinology Investigation 26: 616-619, 2003.